Resistance Is Futile, I Have Been Assimilated

While Microsoft HR Acquisitions was assuring us that their department was larger than our entire company, I got an email on my Sidekick from a friend at the Microsoft Game Studio, which read, in its entirety:

Nice to know they've got a sense of humor about these things over there, because let's face it, folks, I was not a little frightened for my career. I admit it: I've been one of the Mac Faithful since '86, Bill Gates had always been The Enemy, and in my book, Microsoft was the modern incarnation of the Borg Collective. I'd always figured if I ever jumped ship from little startup to big corporation, it would be to Apple or Google or Dolby or someplace like that ...

And yet, truth be told, I know many audio guys at Microsoft, and they're some of my favorite people in the world. Plus an ex-Apple employee once said to me "If you like Apple products, do not work for Apple -- you don't want to know how the sausage gets made!"... a sentiment I understood completely. And yet another guy told me that "Microsoft likes to hire people who never thought of themselves as Microsoft employees," and I certainly fit that mold. So, since it looked like I wasn't gonna get fired that day (in fact, might even make a little money on the deal), I figured I'd just have to man up, hunker down, and see what would happen next ...

Well, I won't (can't) bore you with the details of the subsequent political maneuvering, back-room negotiations, and outright skulduggery that ensued ... suffice to say, $ome folk$ got reeeal happy, others were morally outraged; mistakes were made, missteps were taken; brilliant strategies were presented, then scrapped, then re-formulated, then scrapped again; organizations were reorganized, once, twice, third time's the charm!; travel reservations were booked, orientation meetings were disorienting, parties were thrown, heavy drinking was encouraged, and snarky comments abounded! To say that Danger's transformation from scrappy startup to "a subsidiary of Microsoft" has been a bumpy ride would be the understatement of the week.

BUT here's what happened to your friendly neighborhood sound designer => I am now Audio Director for Microsoft's Entertainment eXperience Group (EXG), a design resource for products in Robbie Bach's Entertainment and Devices division. Just exactly what that means is still something of a work in progress, but one thing's for sure:

This is kinda huge for me, since I've been a resident of the San Francisco Bay Area for the past (gulp) 30 years (with some time off for bad behavior in Chicago and Greece). Everybody says to me "Won't you miss the sunshine?" to which I reply "I spend most of my time in a sound-proof studio anyway, what do I care what it's doing outside?" Plus the great Northwest seems much more dog-friendly than the Bay Area has become, plus Washington state doesn't seem to be on fire all summer long, plus have you looked at Bay Area real estate prices lately!? Uh, check, please!

AND SO, gentle readers, this will be my last blog from California. I'm packing up my shit, and gettin' the hell outa Dodge! But I promise to continue writing about interactive and mobile audio issues when I get settled into my new place, and I do not plan to change my status as "annoying audio techno-curmudgeon" in any way. When something about this industry annoys the living crap outa me, you can be assured that I will stand up, say outrageous things about it, and then run away, laughing ...

but the next time I do it, don't be surprised if the shirt I'm wearing has a Microsoft logo on it :)

   - pdx

P.S. Please Note: As always, in this blog, I will only ever talk about hardware and software that is currently available for purchase at a T-mobile or Best Buy store near you (or sometimes fictional technology that doesn't exist anywhere [yet]). Anyone looking for inside information, product release dates, or security leaks, should definitely look elsewhere!