Protection from Pretzels

Unable to shoot down Air Force one with a stinger missile, terrorist elements apparently planted a sleeper pretzel in the President's snack bowl yesterday. Thankfully the coffee table performed the Heimlich (sp) maneuver, saving the President's life.



I believe that the President passed out from lack of sleep. He just isn't used to the pressure of a job that requires an ocassional all-nighter. This is what comes from swearing off the bottle and going to bed early with baseball memorabilia under your pillow.



We clearly need a computer hacker for a president, someone who can live on Cheetohs and Jolt Cola for long stretches in a windowless bunker. I'm as patriotic a programmer as you'll find, and I'll gladly put the President on a strict training regimen to ready him for the next inevitable all-nighter.



Epilogue: The President is resting comfortably. The coffee table is to be awarded the Medal of Honor in a Rose Garden ceremony on Tuesday.



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Do you believe for a minute that the President passed out from swallowing a pretzel? Was it a Soviet pretzel?