Today must be my lucky day. My inbox runneth over with wonderful news from abroad. I am soon to be fabulously wealthy, as I've won all sorts of contests. But who needs money? I'm flush with free trips, free advice, and free software. Soon I'll be having sex with barely legal teens while my skin clears up and my hair grows back. And the sex will last for days thanks to my pharmaceutically enhanced staying power. And everything I could possibly want to buy is 10%, 20%, 50%, or even 90% off, if I act now.
True story: My orange has an advertisement on it. (I kid you not.) No longer satisfied to wax my apples and stamp "Sunkist" on my oranges, my oranges now come with small advertisements (read "spam" in the virtual world). According to the sticker on my orange, I can own the Grinch on Video and DVD on November 20th (only 335 more days!).
### Get your Daily Bruce! ###
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my lucky day